Reunison:

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bring the season forth

Returned from Madison, WI this morning, then went to work. Madison, to see Emma and Ben for an early Christmas. There was more snow there than here. Went to La Brioche for brunch, for some fengshuied “true food” — holy lawrd, they make good foods there. And the wallpapers are astonishing— in the bathrooms, metallicky yellowturquoise peacocks! And feta-sundriedtomato-arugula omelettes! So we chatted at the “kids” table (separate of Blair and Mary, and Tamara and Susan, due to crowding (can you blame the people for going out to get what they want to eat?!)) and discussed movies (what Jenny Lewis was in before indierock fame, etc.) and video games (the perks of owning six versions of DDR, etc.). Then went walking around State ST. in the snows. And my freshly fading pneumonia was acting up, my lungs clenching tighter than fists, my eyelids bruising at the creases from coughing incessantly— but how can I resist a brisk walk in downtown Madison, early winter! Besides, I had my prescribed inhaler! And we went in everywhere, like A Room of One’s Own, fine booksellers, and the places that sell strange fancy shit like wrapping paper that can’t be reasonably used for anything but framing to place artsily on the wall. We went back later and made dinner, opened presents, then slept on the floor. Good, good, good. My spine may or may not be in better alignment, but my brain is; bless you, WI. (Didn’t see any crazy protests this time, though, har!)

Now, seated while H reads, pseudo-watching the Food network. I was given several tools/things to start baking more intently so far, for birthday and Christmas. Time to move from SCALDING green curries and fine salmons and marinades to cakes and pies! Watch out! (I will, I will master every fine fine aspect of this wicked, twisted, nasty beast-life!)

Half way through Middlesex; it is decent. More later. Need to upload my coffee-grounds photographs and maybe enlarge and start sketching. I am drinking coffee right now (in case you can’t sense it from the dashes— and exclamations!—!!—-! ) FORWARDGAH! a kind dear Blair, H’s Pa, got me, as we share a fondness for coffee blacker and stronger than death, humming with cherry and bourbon tunes, o, lord it is good… bless, bless, bless.

I’ve paused now, to think— and all I can say is, PEOPLE, GO FORTH AND GET WHAT YOU WANT, AS LONG AS THE SNOW IS SO WHITE IT IS ALLLLLL YOURSSSS—-

!

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I sneak onto my girlfriend’s facebook when she’s at work. Today was the first day however that I had to urge to restart my own— then, immediate thought: I don’t want to be found.

And immediately after: It’s likely no one wants to find me, either.

This is a good thing.

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Impossible Sight

In addition to below— SELENEHELION.

Uh, Wiki that shit.

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Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on Saturday, December 10th, 2011, at 9:26 AM EST

“Saturday morning, the Moon is full—the Gemini Moon exactly opposes the Sagittarius Sun. The Gemini-Sagittarius polarity is a mental axis, where Gemini represents the “lower mind” and Sagittarius represents the “higher mind”. A Gemini Moon encourages us to think logically, while Sagittarius persuades us to think in a far broader manner.

Sagittarius symbolizes the quest for meaning and ideas that expand upon the here and now. Gemini is quite comfortable in his or her immediate environment or neighborhood, while Sagittarius stimulates us to venture beyond. Neglecting either end of the axis will surely backfire on us. Ideally, a balance should be found between the two energies, and this is what the Full Moon invites us to do. This Full Moon is about communication, attitude, and our sense of adventure. Something has been building inside of us, and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos fairly demands that we let it out. Over the next two weeks, we will discover what this means for us.” (www.cafeastrology.com)

I find it incredibly interesting that this year, on my birthday, there will be a full moon lunar eclipse— not only that, but the moon is in Gemini (H’s sign) and the sun is in Sagittarius (my sign) and what I’ve read suggests that this will be a moment of absolute balance. I don’t know what to make of it quite yet— but I imagine a perfect illuminated point of love and understanding, like the cheesy fuck I am. WHAT A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PRESENT, UNIVERSE. JOY!

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on the horizon (Principle
vision) out of an ocean

Soul is the maker of sun She
is dressed as a man

Beholder in silence and in utter

forgetfulness

Susan Howe, Pythagorean Silence

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but my time here is brief, so you’ll have to ask just three…

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LET THE RECORD STAND (BECAUSE IT IS FROZEN SO):

Cedar Rapids = 17th coldest US city; Iowa City = 25th coldest. According to some particular source, of course, and with fucking numbers and shit to back it up, et cetera. BUT HEY. I live in between these two cities. And thus, I have [shaky, shaky, BUT HEY] proof as to why the winters here fucking ravage the shit out of everything in my life for a solid four months. (I post this simply because I woke to the first sticking snow today. And it is cold.)

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helas…

When will it pay off, this forcing myself to do something difficult for a reason I care little for? Ah, discipline me, Discipline… I am so old, and it has taken so long for me to master thee.

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I am seeing M.Ward tomorrow in the Quad-Cities. We are getting a mediocre hotel room and I intend to go swimming. It is my twenty-fifth birthday on the 10th, in a week. I am getting a carrot cake from the co-op, smoking a bit of pot, and getting my palm read.

In other news, I love madly my ladyfriend. For a good many reasons; I dunno, I just feel real right when beside her. And she works so hard at her little factory job. She has apparently bought me an absurd amount of presents b/c paying for gas to Davenport is going to nigh break us, apparently. What joy!

I wrote a bit today, the first bit in months. And I am reading my brains out, both at work and when I get home and wait for H. Currently L’Oeuvre by Zola. Just in case I don’t feel enough the brutal impetus to seek perfection in something made by my own hands.

More at some other random point in the distant future. Best,

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from Canto LXXXI:

“The ant’s a centaur in his dragon world.
Pull down thy vanity, it is not man
Made courage, or made order, or made grace,
Pull down thy vanity, I say pull down.
Learn of the green world what can be thy place
In scaled invention or true artistry,
Pull down thy vanity,
Paquin pull down!
The green casque has outdone your elegance.

“Master thyself, then others shall thee beare”
     Pull down thy vanity
Thou art a beaten dog beneath the hail,
A swollen magpie in a fitful sun,
Half black half white
Nor knowst’ou wing from tail
Pull down thy vanity
               How mean thy hates
Fostered in falsity,
               Pull down thy vanity,
Rathe to destroy, niggard in charity,
Pull down thy vanity,
               I say pull down.

But to have done instead of not doing
               This is not vanity
To have, with decency, knocked
That a Blunt should open
          To have gathered from the air a live tradition
or from a fine old eye the unconquered flame
this is not vanity.
     Here error is all in the not done,
all in the diffidence that faltered …”

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I’m always horrified whenever I finish anything. Horrified and desolate. My instinct for perfection should inhibit me from ever finishing anything; it should in fact inhibit me from ever beginning. But I become distracted and do things. My accomplishments are not the product of my applied will but a giving away of my will. I begin because I don’t have the strength to think; I finish because I don’t have soul enough to stop things. This book is my cowardice.

― Fernando Pessoa, Libro del desasosiego

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To have opinions is to sell out to youself. To have no opinions is to exist. To have every opinion is to be a poet.

― Fernando Pessoa, Libro del desasosiego

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I looked it up. Jupiter has been in the eastern sky since August. It will be around for a bit, too. That is the Sagittarian’s planet. It is my good luck orb. (I knew it.)

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the things

that go on… I am working. I call people and beg them to donate to their alma mater. I’m pretty good at it, actually. Supervisor like me, let me leave early yesterday. Today, tomorrow = my weekend. Sweet. Reading The Book of Disquiet; it’s the shit. One of my favorites, ever, possibly, and that rarely happens. We watch a lot of Food Network, like Chopped and Sweet Genius, and a lot of the news, local and global. And I drink way too much coffee, as always. Going to a couple of readings tonight. I mean, I dunno, guess I’m pretty boring. Three poems to be published in Nov in LVNG mag. Check ‘em out online when they be out, son. More later, much later probs, and as always, there is a bright planet surface on the black pond of the sky each night that stares into my heart. It is urging me forward. So I can be with you all, here. Best,

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Motoi Yamamoto’s Salt Labyrinths